Peaceful parenting involves a non-punitive connection-based parenting approach. The core of it is that parents understand what their child needs in its growth and development. Peaceful parenting places as much emphasis on helping parents develop self-awareness and necessary emotional self-regulation skills as it does on the child’s behavior. This contrasts with traditional parenting approaches that often focus on the child’s behavior in isolation, often using punishment as a strategy to change behavior. While using punishments, rewards, or threats may work in the short term, a no-punishment approach is a key factor in creating relationships based on trust and mutual respect to create a healthy team-spirit in the family. The Peaceful Parenting approach promotes willing cooperation, integrity, and self-discipline in children (slowly over time, as their natural development allows) rather than fear-based obedience. This is essential if you want to support your child in making choices based on integrity, self-discipline and self-responsibility, rather than fear of disapproval or desire for reward. In this way you create long-lasting peace and harmony in the family and meet the children’s need for emotional safety and security.

Peaceful parenting is an approach that promotes ongoing connection, trust and problem-solving skills. Boundaries are set by the parent with confidence, with the child clearly understanding what the boundary is, while maintaining a warm, connected and supportive relationship with the child. Peaceful parenting focuses on the needs of both the parent and child while teaching and modelling flexibility and adaptability. Taking a democratic, mutual problem-solving approach to parenting removes both the adult and child from the power struggle. This approach teaches parents to relate to the feelings underlying the behavior and to respond to the feelings first. When a child’s reaction shows that they are upset, show concern for their feelings, rather than criticizing: “Hey, you seem upset, tell me about it.” This helps children learn to recognize their own feelings and their emotional literacy increases enormously.

Aggressive or hyperactive behavior, or speaking with a “whining” tone, are generally symptoms of unmet needs, causing the child to feel hungry, exhausted, or overstimulated. Or the child may feel the need to release pent-up tensions and frustrations. It can also be an indication that there is too much chaos and aggressiveness in the family and the child is feeling disconnected, defensive or overwhelmed. From the perspective of peaceful parenting, we are always looking for the underlying needs that cause the behavior. When we give children the safety and permission to feel and express their feelings, children can regain balance and live happily in the moment.

Parenting from connection also means no time-outs, but “time-ins”. Contrary to what parents hope, the child who is put in time-out, for example because he has hurt his brother, is likely to feel so upset and rejected that he is unable to think clearly about what could have worked better, let alone feel real remorse. Their thinking is probably fuelled by their anger and perhaps their desire not to get caught next time. They won’t be able to process all those feelings without their parents’ help and will probably become even angrier at their little brother. Children need their parents’ reflection on the effects of their behavior and need help thinking about what could have worked better or what could work better next time. Children who receive feedback and guidance and see their parent respectfully listening to their perspective, feelings, and needs are much more willing to participate in the process of learning healthy social skills. When they are ignored or sent away for a time-out, they must shut down their feelings to regain acceptance and support from their parent or caregiver.

Effective communication is the foundation of peaceful parenting. Actively listen to your child and acknowledge their feelings and concerns. Encourage open dialogue and create a safe space where they can express themselves without fear of judgement.